Thanksgiving break is coming up and, despite the great food, it can be pretty stressful to see friends and family if they’re constantly asking you what you’re doing after graduation. One of our counselors, Paula, offers up her own story, as well as some pointers on how to handle that tough question:
This time of year I always recall the horrible Thanksgiving of my Senior year just months away from graduating with my BA in Econ from Michigan. I hid in my parents’ bedroom to avoid my brother’s friend who had graduated from Michigan with an econ degree six years before me and was eating pumpkin pie with the rest of the family at the dinner table. I feigned illness and lay on my parents’ bed hugging a pillow for three hours. At some point my mom, my older brother, and my twin brother came in to check on me. My mom tiptoed in, concerned about my health. The latter two charged in and barked something like “What the heck is wrong with you? Jerry is here and he wants to talk to you about Procter & Gamble.”
Well, that is exactly what was wrong with me. I did not want to talk to Very Successful Jerry or anybody about the deep dive known as graduation. My twin brother had a plan; he was going to Michigan’s law school. He was going to be a lawyer. He was “all set.” Which begged the question over pie and coffee, “So what are you going to do, Paula?” I was unable to answer that question with anything but a stiff smile and an unseen knot in my stomach.
I’ll spare you the ensuing years and lessons that ultimately led to my now career & life that has me quite satisfied. What I will share with you are my top 5 tips on how to handle the dreaded “So what are you doing after graduation?” question at the Thanksgiving Table. (It is my opportunity for a vicarious do-over, so please indulge me and read on):
Tip 1: Kill them with Information or the “I’m so glad you asked” approach:
Half the people who ask just want to know what’s up and the other half don’t really care and are just making conversation…but this will work for either group. Say something like “I am so glad you asked, I have been working with The Career Center to identify jobs that work for me and I have found there are several avenues…” Or say whatever you have been doing. Just give them a lot of info…they may never ask again! But they will know you have not just been sitting on your duff too. Of course, coming to The Career Center will help give you things to tell them.
Tip 2: Go into the Fire! or the “I share your concern” approach:
Go straight into what they ask you—don’’t be afraid, share your concerns. Get their advice even! Say something like, “It sure is a scary time for me and I really appreciate your concern. I have been preparing my materials, and I would really like to get your insights…what is your number one tip…?” Most people care about you and want to help when asked.
Tip 3: Validate them or the “You are absolutely spot on” approach:
Tell them that you hear their concern and it is a valid one that you share. And then tell them what you are doing to take the next step or what you are thinking about. Validation is a sure-fire way to calm a person down.
Tip 4: Ignite their dreams! Or the “What did you want to do when you grew up?” approach:
Ask them what they did when they were your age, what were their dreams? Did they wish for things that never happened? Did their dream come true? What would they suggest if they were in your situation given what they know now? People love to reminisce and will appreciate you asking.
Tip 5: Build your Community of Contacts or the “I’m looking for someone in…” approach:
This is a great time to ask them for any names of people they know who may be interested in sharing career advice with you. If you tell them what you are interested in they may have suggestions of people to talk to. The Career Center can help you if you need suggestions on how to do this.
So, go ahead, eat that pumpkin pie right next to your pushy Uncle Buck. Don’t be afraid!
Oh, and my twin brother is no longer practicing law, but he is living his dream of owning his own real estate development and consulting firm. I guess you really do not know where life is going to take you when the view is from the Thanksgiving Table your senior year, so don’t be afraid to explore.
Good luck and give us a call (734.764.7460) or schedule an appointment online!
Photo credit: mil8 / CC BY 2.0